Your Diary Room

STAB ME NOW PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF BABY JESUS I DON'T WANT THIS HOH.

Who gave Hailey Burns a crash course on how to play better in ORGs? There's just no way Samara is not Hailey Burns 2.0 the upgraded version, ain't no way.

If the power couple can convince Samara to come after me, then I guess I'll have to say good job. It would be the dumbest move on Samara's part, but oh well.

Basically I'm at peace with it. I played as hard as I could, honestly and did what I could for people to not know I was playing.

NOOOOOOOOO I JUST PUT A U IN THE WORD FAVOURITE I EDITED QUICKLY BUT IF SAMARA SAW OMG I HAVE BEEN SO SO CAREFUL

Do I keep getting my way in this game somehow? Yes! Am I forcing anyone, controlling them? No! Samara has been wanting to do Clear and Sheila for like 3 rounds now. Nancy has been on it too even before I was. You can both suck my titties for blaming everything on me. Sheila I was not even looking at you. I was focused on Clear this round anyway and she gave me all the ammo I needed last night, also not my fault. I was minding my own business and never dreamed of that falling on my lap like that. I even actually considered it, but Samara is too precious it made no sense at all. Did I throw HOH to her, yes but I wouldn't have been in the final 2 for that comp without her beasting so much. I did not do well that comp, she just messed up at the end and I had to wait around like a fish out of water.


It just sucks because my bond with Tree, Nancy, Samara, Tatum, they all happened organically. I did not reveal myself to anyone. I'm not trying to make anyone do my dirty work. I'm simply playing the game with the people I've been most loyal to. Sure it sucks that I have come to realize Sheila is probably John & Clear is probably TJ. I was sure that bitch was Carol (John) and just trolling in the game and he didn't care. By the time I realized he was probably Sheila, I was already knee deep in my Tree forest and had made truce with Nancy. Clear I have had on my radar since she would not give me assurance of her vote when Nancy put me up. It took her way too long and the fact she needed to wait on Tree showed me I was not high on her loyalty list. All that is why we're here right now. I don't think it would have been fair for me to uproot my game over figuring out who people are cuz I love them & we're frands. Truth be told, not knowing who Tree and Samara are makes me even more loyal to them and less loyal to me thinking I know Tatum and Nancy. It makes it all more natural with them for some reason.


Rant over, I just feel bad that they think I'm this big bad wolf after them, when this is literally just the natural progression of the game. I see TJ tweeting he's gonna block people after & I have to worry I'm gonna be one of these people & I obviously don't want that cuz I'm just playing the game. I want to go to the end with Tree and that's been my goal since like day 2 or 3. I'm very loyal to my first real ally and that was Tree.

Penelope Amari wrote:

Amber Something wrote:DR QUESTION: Who is your number one ally right now and why?

Tree is my #1. I don't know why. It's one of those alliances that I was just drawn to right away and there's some game chemistry there. I hope she trusts me too and plans to be loyal for real.

<3 I'm so happy she's been the best ally so far.

Penelope Amari wrote:Not only is Tree MINE, but also, fuck you. I haven't trusted your ass since the round the killer put me up. I can smell the rat right off you. Tonight just proved it.

Poor Mindy, that was a Clear moment I bet. She made me think Mindy was up to no good trying to flip the votes for me to go home and I bet she was just a sweet angel that didn't deserve my paranoia. Sorry girl

Hi Penelope, having just read some of your conversation with Clear and, reading through a bit of your recent DR, remember to keep game drama, game drama. Nothing personal, and none of this in-game drama should be taken out of the game. Also, try not to focus too hard on identities and stuff, so that your game can be as natural as possible with the anonymity factor.

It’s what I’ve been doing. I’m sorry Gale

This bitch cries about people wasting her precious time & then goes to host a house meeting about stuff my entire alliance knows already which is everyone except Clear and her.

I’m so confused. Sometimes I feel like the way people online see something and how I see it are not even in the same universe. The only reason IDs are coming into play for me is bc I feel like with all the subtle comments, Sheila and Clear think I’m me and thus expected certain loyalties thinking I probably guessed them too… They should both know me better than that. I didn’t even want to save my duo in BBEvo cuz I had grown to love Mojo. They should know I value anonymity, especially the way I keep crying over pre gaming in QGames. Both are mad at me now. One is tweeting about blocking people, of course I feel included in that threat. The other is telling me in our one on one. Neither of them are doing great trying to hide it either (the hockey reference from Sheila yesterday, the “k” reply now”. I never told anyone I was playing, I actually told everyone I was too busy with the move, even Sophia before I knew she was hosting. If people guess me, that sucks, I do try to hide it saying I have a cat, pretending to have a roomie when in reality it’s just my mom always bothering me. If all my assumptions are correct, it’s not my fault they assumed my loyalty based on ID. I don’t know why Sheila is on the thread acting innocent but literally none of that shit needed to happen. No one had to get all huffy and puffy threatening to block people and making it obvious you know who I am so I feel like I’m about to get dumped on post season.

I get I’m an easy punching bag for letting things get to me, but wtf did I do wrong?

personally i think the best thing to do is forget ids are even a thing, pretend ur playing real big brother and u actually have embodied the character ur playing, and just enjoy it

I agree and how I was playing it until last night. The IDs still don’t affect my decisions, just affecting me fearing the backlash, but this has been a great game, I’ve had a blast & pretty sure I made some cool new friends along the way. I just have to focus on that.

You’re all doing amazing btw & sorry for my role in the drama

So annoying using that gif for the pov ceremony. I don't know how many times people can be told to stop.

Sitting here at the banque wanting on my mom and feeling really bad for Tatum. I hope & pray that Carrie comes through. She’s been a great ally and I just feel horrible how that all went down with her being drunk and falling into the trap Clear and Nancy set for her

*Waiting omg so embarrassing

At least it typoed 'wanting' and not 'wanking' because THAT! would've been a disaster

The pleasure some take in hurting others and breaking them down. I’m not perfect, I do mess up a lot from being so sensitive & damaged, but I never intend to hurt anyone & feel bad soon after I realize I hurt anyone. This experience is humbling me though in being more closed in with my feelings and learn to control them better so that I can just not be stuck in a situation again where people can try to make me sweat with expose parties & stuff. I’m not a victim in the sense that I do drag drama around and fuel it. I just don’t feel I did anything wrong here and I’m being vilified for people’s perception. I don’t know why I make Clear & Sheila so triggered all the time. It’s like walking on eggshells all the time.